War Trauma
Article is reprinted from the Edmond Evening Sun published on
December 26, 2006.
By Features Editor James Coburn Two years ago, Joe Collins had
become so sick with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that fear kept him
prone on his bathroom floor for five days. His air conditioner went
out during the summer. The only way he could disassociate from the
pain was to run bath water in the master bedroom of his Edmond home,
he said. Collins laid on the hard bathroom tile with all of the lights
off and only a trickle of water running. "I couldn't get up," said
Collins, a veteran of the war in Iraq. "I could not get up to walk 5
feet. I was just laying on the ground. Just the pain I was in was so
severe that there's no physical pain that could come close to it."
Describing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is painful for him. But it's
become important for him to speak up. "I have an opportunity to do
something to help," said Collins, 23. "It feels like it's more of my
responsibility now. ... I feel like if I don't do anything or say
anything, then I'm pretty much turning my back on myself. And when I
see somebody going through what I'm going through, it's like turning
my back on them." U.S. Army Reserve Spc. Collins served honorably
after volunteering for active duty in Operation Iraqi Freedom. He
returned from Iraq in April 2004, after a year of service. The Edmond
Santa Fe High School graduate was with the 353rd Engineer Group of the
Army Reserves in Oklahoma. He volunteered to serve as a heavy machine
and generator mechanic and escort in Iraq with the 285th Engineer Co.,
U.S. Army Reserves out of Baton Rouge, La. Now, his PTSD has cost
him his home, job and peace of mind. He is cared for by his mother and
stepfather in their Edmond home.
'A crippling disorder' "I have improved enormously compared to how I
was," said Collins, sitting barefoot on the family's sofa. His
family's intervention may have saved his life, Collins said. His
mother, Cynde Collins-Clark, is the 2006, OklaomaMother of the Year.
She earned the honor due to her support of her son and others living
with PTSD. Clark has a part-time counseling practice in Edmond and
is a counselor at Metro Technology Center in Oklahoma City. Her
husband, Jim, teaches carpentry at Metro Technology Center. The couple
married nine years ago and, between them, have six children from 20 to
38 years of age. "This has been a long, hard journey and Joe has not
given up," his mother said. "Neither have we." Post Traumatic Stress
Disorder (PTSD) is a normal reaction to a traumatic experience that
could be experienced by almost anyone, said Helen Englebretsonk, a
therapist and licensed clinical social worker with the Veterans Center
in Oklahoma City. A study published in the February issue of The
Journal of the American Medical Association cites 12 percent of Iraq
veterans have been diagnosed with related mental disorders. "It's
definitely a crippling disorder," Collins said. "It's kind of hard for
me to put into words — the devastation that it took and the effect it
had on my life and where I am today. I never would have imagined that
I would have gone through what I went through." Migraine headaches
were constant, he said. He experienced hypersensitivity to light and
sound. Insomnia was ever-present as his pulse was 120 beats per minute
during rest. Collins said he still has nightmares. The hair on his
legs has been rubbed off at night due to his relentless kicking during
sleep. "I don't know if I'm trying to run or what the deal is but
I'll be covered in sweat and my legs will be all sore," he said. "I'll
catch myself kind of waking up like I'm kicking."
Facing challenges Today, a psychiatrist has him on a mild medication
to help him sleep and reduce his heart rate. Collins also said an
antidepressant he previously was taking had numbed his already "numb"
emotions to the point where he felt like a hollow shell of himself.
Clark said her son's introduction to Adderall came after a civilian
psychologist misdiagnosed him with Attention Deficit Disorder in
January 2005. As a result, a civilian physician prescribed him the
amphetamine Adderall that exacerbated his PTSD, she added. When
another physician took him off the medication, Collins' body still
craved what gave him temporary relief. Adderall gave Collins a false
sense of well being, his mother said. The drug's byproduct of
sleeplessness meant his escape from nightmares. "On Thursday, March
9, one such trigger occurred," Clark said in an Edmond Sun news story
about her son in March. "Joe's only hope, he thought, was to seek the
only relief he knew." Collins was arrested in Edmond on a complaint
of forging a prescription for a controlled dangerous substance —
Adderall. His dependency with Adderall ultimately led Collins to
choose outpatient treatment at the Valley Hope Treatment Center in
Oklahoma City. He also completed his classes there while earning a
scholarship for further treatments. Collins said the support,
compassion and genuine concern he's received from his family,
psychiatrist and a counselor at Valley Hope has been of tremendous
help.
"Seeing people's reaction and knowing that people really do care
what happens to you and they don't want you to suffer any more — it
makes you feel not alone," Collins said. He used to be able to
handle enormous amounts of stress, he said. Now, mental exhaustion
comes easy. Simple interactions with others that most people take for
granted is a major challenge for Collins. "For me to go to Wal-Mart
and walk around for a little bit — I'll get home and I'll be gasping
for air," he said. Collins loves and appreciates his longtime
friends he's known since grade school. But socializing with them for
an hour when in crowded, noisy places puts him in a state of quiet
desperation. Inside, he's screaming. So Collins must psychologically
prepare to leave the house, he said. "That's something I used to
find enjoyable and look forward to when it was a recreational thing,"
he said. "And now something like that is work for me."
Day by day Holidays are difficult for people with PTSD, he said. One
of his goals for Thanksgiving was to spend time with his family. But
the commotion in the house made him feel like an animal needing to dig
a hole to avoid danger, he said. "My room was my little safe zone,"
he explained.
Collins said he realizes he will have difficulties the rest of his
life. He can't stand to watch news reports about the war in Iraq.
Neither will he able be able to watch war movies, he said. Still,
Collins said he will persevere because he has never been a quitter.
Collins said it remains difficult for him to be around other men he's
met with PTSD. A group of veterans with PTSD met recently for the
first time as a support group at his mother's counseling office in
Edmond. Like looking in a mirror, seeing the stages of their disorders
reminds him of how much he has hurt, he said. "What helped me a lot
is knowing people genuinely care," he said. (Features Editor James
Coburn may be reached via e-mail at jcoburn@edmondsun.com.)
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