Beyond the Call of Duty
Article appeared in The Daily Oklahoman, published
March, 2006.
Beyond the call of duty
Mother of the Year overcomes with love
By Brandy McDonnell Staff Writer
EDMOND — Cynde Collins-Clark's life as a mother isn't a fairy tale or
a 1950s situation comedy.
The Edmond resident works two jobs as a licensed professional
counselor. She and husband Jim Clark have a blended family of six
adult children scattered across the country. And she is facing the
greatest challenge of her years as a mother: advocating and caring
for her son, Joe Collins, whose service in the Iraq war left him
devastated by post-traumatic stress disorder and depression.
While her life isn't exactly charmed, Collins-Clark, 50, said she
wouldn't trade her role as a mother and stepmother for anything.
"Just because I'm (Oklahoma) mother of the year, that doesn't mean
... I'm June Cleaver. There's challenges; there's the issues that come
with a blended family. But it's about true blending, that coming
together with the most important thing, and that's love."
The Oklahoma Association of American Mothers Inc. recently named
Collins-Clark Oklahoma mother of the year. She will represent the
state at the organization's national convention April 25-30 in
Bismarck, N.D., where she will compete for the title of national
mother of the year.
American Mothers is an interfaith, nonpolitical organization with the
goal of strengthening the moral and spiritual foundations of family
and home, said Karen Mayfield, state association president.
Mayfield said Collins-Clark exemplifies the power of strong mothers
and families.
"They have had a tragedy in their home, and it was very difficult,
but they have not let that tragedy defeat them," Mayfield said.
"They're moving forward, and they have this incredibly victorious
spirit."
Devastated by war The faint sound of running water often drones through Collins-Clark's
Edmond home. When the racing thoughts and memories overwhelm him,
Collins, 22, turns on the water in his bathroom and lies on the floor
until his mind calms.
"It's actually crippling, kind of. It's hard for me to go outside. ...
And it's hard for me to be around people, like a lot of people,"
Collins said. "Pretty much, the day is like different levels of bad."
A year has passed since Collins' life collapsed under the weight of
post-traumatic stress disorder. His condition has improved, but the
recovery is long and slow.
Two weeks after high school graduation, Collins joined the U.S. Army
Reserve. In January 2003, he headed to Iraq with a combat-supporting
engineering unit.
He survived the year in Iraq, but he came home with a lung ailment
caused by breathing in hot sand and chemical fumes. After a few days
of debriefing, he embarked on a normal life. He got an Army Reserve
job as a mechanic and bought a house.
But a few months after returning to Oklahoma, Collins started having
problems sleeping and developed an aversion to crowds, bright lights
and loud noises. He would get out of bed only to go to work. He
started to lose weight, eventually dropping 50 pounds.
In January 2005, he was misdiagnosed with attention deficit disorder.
ADD medicines made him feel disconnected, which helped him get through
the day but didn't help his condition. Since he was working on a
probationary basis, he didn't seek more help for fear of losing his
job.
With his sense of independence, Collins kept his condition hidden from
his mother. But last April, his boss called Collins-Clark to tell her
something was terribly wrong with her son.
Collins-Clark took her son to a hospital, where he was diagnosed with
depression and bipolar disorder. A series of doctors eventually
determined he was not bipolar but suffering from posttraumatic stress
disorder.
"If she hadn't stepped in, there's no telling where I'd be. At first,
I was kind of opposed to it, but I don't know how I would have got
through it," Collins said. "I'd be lost without her."
Unable to return to work, Collins lost his job and his house. He moved
in with his mother and stepfather, and Collins-Clark began struggling
through a maze of confusing paperwork.
"I can't even describe to you the cumbersome, antiquated burden of
the paperwork involved," she said. "I have three degrees, and I can't
even figure it out. And I'm not sick."
Her son sees a counselor twice a week and a psychiatrist once a week.
He takes medicines for depression and anxiety. A counselor at Metro
Tech who has a part-time private counseling practice, Collins-Clark
said she needs both jobs to cover her son's living and health
expenses.
In addition, Collins-Clark has hired a lawyer to defend her son
against criminal charges. Last month, he was arrested for attempting
to get ADD medicines with a forged prescription. His mother said
watching the war movie "Jarhead" prompted him to seek out the drugs.
"He (the attorney) is trying to do everything he can for the court to
understand the entire situation and look at it in its fullest context
and ... with mercy," Collins-Clark said.
Advocating for change Although she isn't "an awards person,"
Collins-Clark said she is grateful for the mother of the year honor.
She sees it as an opportunity
to advocate for change on behalf of veterans. She plans to attend the
national convention, even though it will be the longest she has left
her son in the past year.
Among the changes she supports are streamlined paperwork and paperwork
assistance. She also hopes to see a mandatory transition period in
which troops returning from war would live on base and be monitored
for health problems but still get to spend time with family and
friends.
"As a mental health practitioner, I know you can't see a lot of the
challenges in three to five days (of debriefing)," she said. "If they
spend six weeks in boot camp to prepare and train to defend us and ...
themselves, then that's how long that they ought to spend readjusting
to life, at a minimum."
An added bonus to the mother of the year award has been the way it has
brought her blended family closer together. Before she accepted the
nomination, Collins-Clark sought approval from her husband of nine
years, her two children and four stepchildren.
"That's the neat part about this thing, is it's kind of unified us
because it's the one thing that everybody has been unanimously
supportive of and proud of," she said.
In addition to her son, Collins-Clark has a daughter, Christine
Collins, 23, of Kansas City. Her husband has four children: James
Worrell, 38, who has a wife and two children in Carrollton, Texas;
Jim Clark Jr., 34, who is married and lives in Portland, Ore.; Betsy Dobrenz, 21, who is married and lives in San Diego; and Nikki Clark,
20, of Edmond.
Jim Clark, a carpentry teacher at Metro Tech, said he is proud his
wife is mother of the year.
"I think she's just put her heart and soul into taking care of his
(Joe's) needs and Christie's, and my kids. She just takes care of all
of us ... and loves all of us," he said. |
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